


Found

by odinswhiteraven



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Trauma, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Motherhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-25 05:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20019685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odinswhiteraven/pseuds/odinswhiteraven
Summary: Clarke experiences a thousand deaths.Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. I do not own the 100. It belongs to Kass Morgan and the producers at the CW. I also do not own the chapter song that is advertised.





	Found

**Author's Note:**

> "Ave Maria" by Michael Bublé

Clarke’s fingers trembled as she dialed in the numbers into her iPhone. Tears streamed down her face, from her two cerulean eyes, while her quivering voice repeated: “Please” over and over again.

The security guard next to her repeated once again, for the thirtieth time, the information she’d already provided him hours ago into that walkie-talkie of his. Details on Madi’s physical appearance and age. The Gravity Falls t-shirt Clarke gave to her for Christmas because she knew she'd loved the show so goddamn much. Crackling voices echoed back.

“Freckles!” Clarke sob-shouted over towards Jasper. “Don’t forget that she has freckles!” The security guard nodded and repeated ‘Freckles, the girl has a shit load of freckles all over her face.’

On the seventh ring, the sound of her best friend appeared on the other line: “Clarke?” Raven was spending the weekend in Arizona with her boyfriend. Zeke was introducing her to his parents. It was the first time Clarke ever saw Raven freaking out over her appearance, which meant she really cared about this relationship. Clarke and Madi spent an evening with her over outfits. “How’s the expo?”

“I fucked up.” Clarke sobbed hysterically all at once. “Raven.” Her shoulders trembled as she leaned her slim body against the wooden rail of the pier and slid down. “I fucked everything up.”

The woman ripped at her scalp repeatedly, ruining the elegant knot she’d tied her blonde hair into.

Jasper, the name of the security guard who was helping her, noticed this. His eyes widened even larger than before and then he began hurriedly asking if anyone found the kid yet, a lot of ‘No’s followed.

She knew she shouldn’t be bothering her best friend on this weekend of all weekends. Zeke was the most serious boyfriend she had in forever. Her friend was crazy about him and she wanted his mom and dad to like her so she could stay in his life. Clarke knew all this, but she couldn’t help it.

“What?” Raven’s voice sounded hollow: “Slow down.” She attempted to say over Clarke’s many ‘fucks’, the blonde woman chanted the curse. “Take a deep breath.” Raven told: “Clarke, breathe.”

“She ran away from me.” Clarke broke down, admitting this. “I said the worst thing and she ran.”

It’d taken everything she had to get Madi to agree to this. The girl was more shut off from the world than a closed-casket funeral. She lost both her parents in a car crash at such an early age, she was tossed back and forth between neglectful relatives. Her walls were even thicker than hers.

“She’s gone?” Raven sounded shocked. “Did you call security?” She asked. “Are they looking?”

“I told them.” Clarke bit her lip. “And they’re looking.” She’d cried: “But they haven’t found her.”

Clarke had worked at it every week. Bit by bit, inch by inch. The small things, she tried doing the small things. Chocolate-chip pancakes on Fridays. Building sofa-cushion forts to watch movies. Reading Nancy Drew to her every night. Even though she read them already with her own mother, a woman she loved more than anything in the world and Clarke knew she could never measure up.

But she wanted to. So much. Because even though Clarke had all this wealth in her life. A job as the chief fashioned designer for a prestigious clothing company. More than one car. An enormous home by the beach. The woman still felt empty inside. Clarke just couldn’t connect to other people.

Except Raven, who’d stuck by her through thick and thin ever since college. And was now studying her way towards the aeronautical program offered by NASA, the one engineers dreamed of having.

However, it was through Madi, this little girl that lost all that she loved, that she gained everything.

And for the first time in her whole life. There was something worth living for now, day in and day out.

“What happened?” Raven asked. “She’s never done that before.” Her friend inquired: “I thought everything was okay between you two.” Clarke shut her eyes and covered them: “What changed?”

Raven was right. Things were going well between Clarke and Madi. Little by little, she saw the little girl lower her defenses. Saw her ease into the things she was doing just to connect with her.

Clarke tried everything just to get close to her. Random, spur of the moment beach days. Surprise ice cream trips after school. Home cooking. And it worked for the most part. Because Clarke loved Madi more than anything in this world. Clarke never thought motherhood was something she’d be good at. But it was. Which was ironic considering she had a nonexistent, splintered relationship with her own.

“We got into a fight.” Clarke said hurriedly, hoping she wouldn’t notice. It all spilled out of her. “She wanted to go on this scary-looking ride.” She covered her eyes while she confessed “And I said ‘No’ way before she even got to be measured.” The woman beat at her forehead. “Even though the guy said he thought she was the right height.” Clarke shook her head: “I still said ‘No’ to her.”

“Okay?” Raven tried soothing her best friend. “That’s not so bad.” She tried shushing her sobbing.

Clarke thought of how she tied Madi’s hair before they left their massive house. How it’d taken months before Madi even allowed her to touch her. Because the accident that killed her family was so violent, vivid for her. She got into this depressive mood. Where she just shut down and avoided.

Everything. From food. To showers. So when Madi finally allowed her to tie those buns for her, it meant everything. Because it was showing Clarke that she was getting a little bit closer to this girl.

Princess Leia was Madi’s favorite character from the original Star Wars. Her mother was a huge fan of the series, an even bigger nerd than her father. Madi wanted to look just like her for the trip.

But now she’d ruined everything. Everything she’d worked so hard for. Over the stupidest thing.

“And Madi got upset.” Clarke pinched the bridge of her nose to stem the tears that were escaping. “She really wanted to go on that ride.” She felt so ashamed. “So she shook her head and went on.”

“The ride?” Raven’s voice seemed to be interrupted by Shaw’s worried ‘Raven?’ “Hold on, babe.”

“I didn’t like the ride: Clarke kept on going regardless: “It went so high, and it hung upside down.”

“Madi’s in trouble.” Raven explained to Shaw. He whispered ‘Oh no.’ “I need to talk to Clarke.”

“Those fucking straps!” Clarke spat the words out. “Maybe if they didn’t look so fucking flimsy!”

“Thank you, babe.” Raven continued: “If you could distract your parents for just a couple minutes.”

“I kept saying ‘no’ over and over again to her; she kept ignoring me. I told her to come back now.”

“I love you, babe. Thank you so much for this. Okay, I’m moving back to the bedroom. It’s empty!”

“My voice got so loud.”

“Okay, I’m back. Clarke?”

“And she covered her ears.”

“Slow down.” Raven returned back to her. She sounded as sharp as ever: “That doesn’t explain-”

“I grabbed her arm and pulled hard.” Clarke admitted: “She stumbled down in front of everyone.”

“Oh no.”

The silence that followed that statement was jarring.

“I just didn’t want to lose her.” Clarke whispered sadly. “I embarrassed her in front of everyone.”

“Oh God.”

Clarke then sped up again. She didn’t slow down. “Then she walked away from me.” She kicked at the planks of the pier. “And she wouldn’t speak to me.” Clarke had flashbacks to her mother, Abby, shrieking at her over every little thing. Driving drunk, moving erratically with her in the backseat of their van. “Wouldn’t look at me.” Did Clarke inherit the demons that her mother had?

“It’s not your fault.” Her best friend tried reaching her. “Clarke listen: it’s not.” She kept on trying.

“She was holding her arm.” Clarke wept. “I did that to her.” The flashbacks were coming back now, more savage than ever. “It was me.” Abby was tying Clarke’s hands onto the bedpost in her room. “And I kept saying: ‘I’m sorry’ to her.” The leather belt was out now. Abby was lashing it against her back over and over, harder and harder. “Madi wouldn’t look at me. Wouldn’t talk to me.”

Raven gave up now. She sighed and then stopped talking. Opting to listen to the whole story now.

Clarke talked over her. “She kept zigzagging.” If Madi didn’t want to live with her anymore, she’d understand. “I was losing her.” After what she did. “So I grabbed her and made her look at me.” Clarke couldn’t fault Madi for seeing her for what she truly was: “And she was crying.” A broken person. Clarke was crying herself, even more hysterical: “She was so sad, so angry at me.”

“She was shouting at me.” Clarke flinched as the memories kept coming in. “Through all her tears.” Each one more torturous than the last. “You’re not my, Mom.” Abby was drinking from a bottle of bourbon at the dinner table. “You don’t even know how to be a Mom.” Clarke had been doing her homework quietly. “Leave me alone. I hate you. Go away.” Abby kicked Clarke’s chair.

All Clarke ever wanted was to be loved. Her father died before she was born. She’d been left alone from the start. With a mother who clearly couldn’t handle teen single motherhood in the slightest.

“And even though she was right to be angry at me.” The sound of cupboard doors being slammed. “Even though she had every right to say those things.” The sound of Abby moaning in the bathroom after injecting a heroin-filled needle in between her toes. “Even though I deserved every bit of it.” The sound of her mother being beaten by her latest boyfriend. “She’d made me so mad.”

The sound of Abby beating Clarke after he left. The sound of her taking it out on her just as hard.

“You know me.” At long last, Clarke finally stopped crying. “I don’t like being hurt.” But all of that seemed to be replaced by a morose, robotic sounding woman: “So I hurt back.” She felt dead.

Clarke wanted to be a mother. She wanted a chance to be something she never had growing up and so desperately wanted, needed. When Madi came along, that chance of redemption was made clear.

The security guards came in force. Men and women, wearing vests and uniforms. They huddled together around Jasper; some looked her way. Some didn’t. They briefly discussed their situation.

“I said: at least I’m alive.” Clarke confessed to Raven. “At least I’m not dead.” She sounded dead.

Then they began splitting off. Running into the crowds with walkie talkies held high in front of their faces. That had been ages ago, the argument Clarke had with Madi in the center of that expo.

“Clarke, you didn’t” Raven whispered sadly.

“I did.” Clarke replied quietly: “She ran away.”

“Oh my fucking God.”

“And I’ve been looking for her ever since.”

“Listen, I’m driving back up.”

“No.”

“Yes, Clarke. I need to be there with you.”

“I always do this, Raven.”

“Do what?”

“I always ruin the things that I love.”

“It’s not ruined, Clarke. Not yet it isn’t. There’s still time.”

“I’m the worst piece of shit that’s ever lived.”

“I’ve known worse. It’ll be okay.”

“For all I know, she’s in the ocean.”

“Don’t say that.”

“What else am I supposed to say?”

“Say that you’re going to keep looking for her. Say that you’re hanging up and getting back to it.”

“I’ve told security. I’ve run all over this place. Shouting after her. Calling after her. Crying for her.”

Clarke had been at it non-stop. After she told security, she’d covered every inch of the pier. Looked around every stall, food-bearing or game-bearing otherwise. Clarke showed everyone around her pictures of Madi on her phone. Pictures of her first day of 2nd grade. Pictures of her most recent birthday party. The sapphire party-hat. The birthday cake and presents. All her friends from school.

None of it bore any fruit. Clarke was exhausted, the pus-filled blisters that formed on the soles of her feet from running every which way with her sandals popped. The nightmare took a toll on her.

“Keep doing that. I’m coming up with Shaw.”

“She’s gone.”

“Stop that. How long has it been?” Raven asked

“An hour. Maybe two. I lost count.” Clarke was covered with sweat; her hair was drenched with it. The tears mingled in with all the wetness on her face. She didn’t know what she’d do if Madi wasn’t found.

“Have they alerted the police?”

“I called them first. They told me to tell security.”

“Has there been any progress?”

“They’re looking.”

“Then keep looking, Clarke. Don’t give up. I’m telling Shaw right now. We’re going to drive-”

“They found her!” Jasper shouted excitedly, he looked back at Clarke. Clarke felt herself standing up without even realizing it. “She’s at the front gate!” Jasper’s walkie-talkie announced back, crackling. Raven yelled with joy ‘FUCK YES!’, she seemed to hear that bit of good news over Clarke’s iPhone. Clarke sprinted towards the entrance of the pier, clutching her phone. She’d left her purse.

“Monty!” Jasper shouted over the radio. “Make her stay there! This Mom’s coming over to you!”

Clarke surged forward with a strength she didn’t know she still had. The tears came back again. But they were of happiness, not devastation. Clarke blindly charged through the crowds of people that got into her way. Because they were blinding her as she ran. But she ran all the same with that creme-colored, daisy-covered sundress of hers. Always.

She wouldn’t stop until she saw that Madi was okay. And not some false hope that got on the radio.

“You’re running, aren’t you?!” Raven bellowed over the phone: “Run, Clarke. Run that fat ass of yours off!”

When Madi finally came into view, she wasn’t alone. The small girl with the Princess Leia double-bun hair knot was clutching a man’s hand. He looked massive, taller than anyone she’d ever saw.

He wore a leather biker kutte, over a navy-blue t-shirt and dark jeans. His skin was caramel tan, his hair was black and messily styled. There were freckles on his face, same as Madi’s. The man tried to detach the girl’s hand from his so that she could run towards Clarke. But Madi wasn’t having it. The little girl dragged him forward towards her. The biker had tattoos all over his arms.

The messy, black-haired man tried letting go of the girl’s hand. But Madi’s grip was far too tight. He'd looked embarrassed, out of place.

“Clarke!” Madi shouted, she dropped the ice cream cone in her hand and then waved that very same hand back and forth. “Clarke!” She grunted her way towards her, dragging the man with her with her wee hand. The man grabbed the collar of that security guard who helped them both, an Asian-looking guy. Perhaps this was the ‘Monty’ that Jasper had been talking about. Monty flew forwards and tumbled over the ground. The biker then allowed himself to be dragged.

“Madi!” Clarke dropped her phone and embraced Madi, wrapping both arms around her skinny body and hugging her close to her. “Thank God!” She cried out with joy, the tears streamed down her face. Clarke buried her face into the girl’s black hair: “You’re okay!” Clarke wept into the girl.

“I’m okay!” Madi called back to her. She tugged the man who found her down with her so that he was there right next to them both. Madi threw her body into Clarke’s, she dragged the man farther and farther down.

The man’s bristly stubble softly bumped into Clarke’s cheek. She didn’t mean to, but it happened all the same. Clarke nuzzled her nose into the tan-skinned man’s face. He’d smelled like cigarettes.

And gasoline. As if he’d recently filled his vehicle with the stuff and some of it’d poured onto him.

They stared into each other’s eyes for the briefest of moments. Then Clarke blinked and returned back to Madi. “I’m sorry!” Clarke apologized to the little girl. “I’m so sorry, baby!” She whispered.

“It’s okay.” Madi whispered back to the woman. She hugged her back just as tight: “I’m sorry too.” She blinked at Clarke while the blonde-haired woman brushed the girl's black-haired bangs: “I had some help.”

“Help?”

“Bell.”

“Who’s Bell?”

“This one is.”

Clarke looked at the man. He’d looked back. Madi finally let go of his hand. Bell cleared his throat.

“Hi.” The man muttered. Bell ruffled his messy, black hair and watched the blonde woman in front of him.

Clarke must’ve looked like quite the mess. She then wiped her eyes, nose, and cheeks and whispered: “Hi.”


End file.
